I was feeling a little out of sorts the last couple days. I had to spend my time on things that I don’t enjoy doing. I felt like I had to get myself out of a maze. I was also feeling that my outer world wasn’t a reflection of the abundance that I feel inside. There are projects and ideas that I’ve wanted to bring to life for a couple years now, and I’m frustrated wondering when I’ll have the resources to bring them to fruition. I have a vision of what my life will be, and I was growing impatient. I just wasn’t feeling the joy that I usually feel, and I was lacking energy.
I came to my weekly kirtan practice hoping to feel grounded and joyful again. I’m not used to feeling irritated, sad, disconnected and unenergetic anymore. I sang unenthusiastically through the first two chants, but as we started chanting to Shiva (This mantra really gets your energy moving.) I started to smile and feel energetic again. I opened my eyes and saw everyone smiling and rejoicing and connecting. I was emotional. I was joyful, and at the same time I cried out the feelings from the last two days. Then we chanted a mantra to the mother, and it felt magical. I felt such relief and a return to my new normal state of being: joy and contentment. I enjoy being in a place now where I can watch and move through my feelings without becoming attached to them and being stuck in them.
In good time the seeds I’ve been planting will blossom. I trust the universe. I’m trying to flow like water through life, being flexible and yielding. I know I’m on the brink of new and beautiful things this spring.