If unaware, generous, kind and loving people are open game for being taken advantage of and manipulated by ill people. There are very few people in our society who are self aware and are not ill. Therefore, most relationships are toxic. Most of us are so used to the toxicity that we’re not even aware that it is, indeed, toxic. When we heal ourselves, which is done by nourishing ourselves with meditation, self-reflection, self love, honesty, and plenty of time alone, we get a clear picture of the world we live in and the people around us. When our relationship with ourselves is finally healthy and is no longer toxic, we can see toxicity for what it really is. Then comes the arduous task of protecting ourselves from the toxicity around us.
Not having access to their own power and a deep sense of fulfillment, meaning and self love, those who have not begun the journey of healing and self awareness are living in a state of deprivation. They look outside of themselves to fill the bottomless void inside. They fill it with food, shopping, religion, drugs, you name it. But what you need to know is that the deprived people around you are also using you to fill the emptiness inside of them. They have all kinds of tools they use to get what they want from you. Using a method to get what you want from others is called manipulation. These methods are covert, and you’re probably so used to them that you don’t even notice you’re under their influence. Conversely, your manipulator is also likely unaware that they’re manipulating you because they’re unconscious, asleep. They haven’t taken the steps to turn within, and are thus unaware that they’re acting out what was programmed in them.
As a kind and loving person, you want to help others. You want them to be happy and fulfilled, so you give. But are you compromising yourself in any way in this act of giving? Do you truly feel good about it, or are you doing it in order to not feel bad? OR… guilty? Guilt is a manipulation technique.
You must be alert and aware of your feelings and where your energy levels are at all times. When you’re not, you’re liable to be under the control of others. Acting out of guilt is not a loving act. You’re not doing your manipulator any favors by continuing to indulge their insecurities. You’re merely buying them time so they can avoid doing the real work of looking within themselves. They’re the only ones who can save themselves. But most of all, if you allow yourself to do something out of guilt, you’re acting violently against yourself.
The truth isn’t always pretty. It’s not easy to accept that you’ve been manipulated by people you love. And it’s not necessarily easy to not give in to the whims of the deprived people in your life. You’ve been taught that it’s a loving act to sacrifice yourself for others. But the most loving thing you can do is to make yourself your absolute top priority. When you sacrifice yourself you betray yourself.
According to universal law, you are a sovereign being. To be sovereign means you must be strong, because you are in charge of you. That means that no one else is in charge of you, and you are not in charge of anyone else. To stay strong you must always be alert and aware of your energy levels and how you’re feeling and do whatever it takes to protect your health, feelings, energy levels and power. When you recognize that you’re feeling off because of someone’s actions, strongly and lovingly tell them that you won’t accept that. Be clear about your boundaries and expectations in all your relationships. As challenging and uncomfortable as it might be for you, it is your responsibility as half of that relationship. If the other half refuses to accept your boundaries, then remove yourself. People won’t like it. They may not even recognize your freedom to make that decision for yourself, and you’ll need plenty of strength to resist all the anger and manipulation tactics that your desperate loved ones will use to lure you back in. They may be very determined, and they probably know what buttons to push.
Making decisions that are healthy for you is the most loving thing you can do in this world. Giving your loved ones no choice but to turn inward for their security and happiness is the most loving thing you can do for them. Send blessings to your loved one and forgive them. It’s healthy for you and for them.
If you’re interested in learning more about taking responsibility for your own feelings and learning how to recognize subtle manipulation tactics, I highly recommend this video by Marshall Rosenberg about nonviolent communication. It’s incredibly eye opening.
And one more thing: you don’t owe anyone anything. You are a sovereign being who has complete control over your life. That means you can choose not to have a relationship with anyone, no matter who they are, for whatever reason or for no reason at all because this is your life. You can choose not to have a relationship with someone because they lie to you, you can choose not to have a relationship with someone because you don’t like the color of their hair. You’re the creator of your life. Embrace that power no matter what anyone else has to say about it. Own your life. When you remove yourself from a negative relationship, you’re creating space in your life for something new and positive.