In our lives, we experience painful and traumatic situations that we don’t fully resolve. Sometimes we’re too scared to face them, so we shove them deep down inside, telling ourselves we have to “be strong.” But sometimes we just don’t have the tools, the power, the wisdom, the strength to move ourselves all the way through painful situations.
I have a friend who was deeply conflicted as a pre-teen because she was coming to the realization that she’s not heterosexual. In 2015, we’re coming to accept human sexuality now, but over ten years ago in a small town in Indiana, this was not the case. Imagine for a minute how you would feel. You’re 13 years old, still co-dependent on your family to take care of you. Yet society and your family believe that to not be heterosexual makes you intrinsically different from them. How do you cope with the immensity of that at this young, vulnerable age? For the most part, you don’t. It takes all the energy you have just to get up and put on an ok face to go to school every morning.
At the age of 26, the same friend confided in me that only a year ago she woke up every morning throwing up. All your past selves are still inside of you. Unresolved past traumas are stored in your body. If untended for long enough, these stored traumas will manifest as dis-ease. As pain or illness. Your body is begging you to deal with your issues.
I think all of us can relate in some way to the deep pain my friend felt. We’ve all felt deep pain at some point in our lives.
I woke up last week suddenly recalling a time in my early twenties when I felt completely and utterly powerless. I sacrificed and gave my power over to others, and they manipulated me, drained my energy, and I did things that I didn’t want to do because they urged me to. When I went back to this time I felt immensely powerless. As I looked back I felt sick and ashamed at myself that I would give up my power like that. But, you know what? Fifteen years later it’s much safer for me to go through it. I gathered up all my power and felt it roaring in my solar plexus, and I superimposed this powerful me onto those times in my life when I felt completely and utterly powerless.
It’s extremely powerful to revisit your past hurts and traumas. If you’ve grown since that time, you’re shining the light of your consciousness on that situation and that old pain. Just that act alone is very healing. We can also take that healing a step further. You can use your maturity and the power you have now to heal that weaker you from the past. See, you’re carrying that person around with you now. As an adult, you can go back and soothe the scared child, the powerless twenty-something, the abused teenager inside of you. You’re stronger, wiser now. You can take the old, dead energy that you’re carrying around with you and transform it into power that you can use to do great things in your life.