I sat in front of the kirtan band, my legs folded in lotus position. I’ve chanted to Shiva many times before, but this time was different.
“Shiva shiva shiva shiva om namah shivaya!” It was deep and rich, and I became one with the chant. The energy built, the drums beat faster, the voices quickened. A great energy stirred in my solar plexus- a warm, powerful one. The music got harder and faster, and a fire was lit. I could feel Shiva roaring in my belly, his great fire dancing- orange and yellow. I’ve never felt so powerful. I yelled a giant “Shivaaaaaaa!”
I could do anything.
After that night whenever I needed strength I could feel that fire burning again and I could draw from its power.
Every day it keeps burning and growing and the fire has grown to such a size that it’s integrating into my being. It feels different to sit with this power. It’s unfamiliar to me. It’s something everyone told me I shouldn’t have. Nice girls don’t have power.
With the fire comes the permission to be me. Fully and unapologetically. I’m not a little girl anymore.This woman knows who she is, and she has the strength to be fully that and share it with the world with no apologies.